I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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