Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
