I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
