just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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