I have demons in me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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