so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
