I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
