you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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