I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
