My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
