From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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