Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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