Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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