I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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