i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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