I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
