Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
