I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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