You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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