I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
