I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
