Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
