I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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