plz talk dirty to me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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