Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
