He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
