a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
