how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
