I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
