that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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