So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
