K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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