and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
