i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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