watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
