I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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