I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
