It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
