Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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