At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
