I'm really into asian looking animals
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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