weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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