I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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