I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
