You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
