yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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