I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
