Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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