According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
