I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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