I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
