Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
