he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
