I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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