Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
