I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
